NASCAR superstar Dale Earnhardt, Jr. is certainly not the first sports star to have a candy in his honor. Joining the esteemed ranks of Muhammad Ali and The San Diego Chicken, (we get the feeling that Bo Jackson must have had a candy bar somewhere along the line, but then again, he might have just known a candy bar) Earnhardt, Jr.’s bar may not be eponymous, but can certainly boast the gayest name ever. NASCAR superstar Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s candy bar’s name: Big Mo’. That’s right. Big Mo’.
Insert John Stewart saying “Whaaaaaat?” in that joke-kvetching Jew voice here.
Clearly, moving the apostrophe that would normally appear at the front of “mo” when describing a homosexual to the back end of the “mo” indicates that the titular “Big ‘Mo” is in fact short for Moorestown, North Carolina, Earnhardt’s hometown and not, as one would assume, Anderson Cooper. If there’s one thing NASCAR audiences love, it’s grammatical subtlety. As for the bar itself, it’s not bad. Produced by the R.M. Palmer company (the folks that make those “Bunny Money” Easter coins), the chocolate offers a dense, smooth finish which, when matched with it’s caramel interior, has a sublimely waxy, throat-coating quality that just begs to make a boy drink milk from a washed Welch’s Dinosaur Jelly Cup in his cushion fort. God help us, we’re totally gay for Big Mo’.